Habemus Papam

I know it's been a while but the election of the new pope has been on my mind ever since it happened. I watched it on CNN, one part of me was disgusted and another part wanted to be there, in Rome. Some of you that have been with me from the beginning know that I've had to challenge my faith, and I still struggle with it every single day.

One part of me saw a bizarre, almost appalling ceremony taking place behind closed door, and a single man being presented to the people as if he was the great savior we've only been waiting for. The other part saw men and women gathering over something they all believe in, instead of being divided but everything that sets them apart from each other.

I still have those two images before me and I'm trying not to make the choice between them. They're incompatible but both are true at the same time. I've asked Avy to come join me for Easter, it would take my mind off things seeing her again.

Lost time

I should have gotten more involved with people I met when I was younger. I think about it now, all the places I've been to and I was always just caught in my own bubble, obsessed with every aspect of life except the things that really mattered. I could have had so many friends, I could have had so many more memories but all I did was dream myself away to the next place.

I didn't see it like that then, it's only now that I realize how I wanted to get away from wherever I was, and that I was never satisfied. I had an amazing childhood but it could have been even better, even more. What I'm afraid of now is what will happen if that innocence is forever lost, that I will never again be able to go back to how I was and see life things through the eyes I have now.

Recitar!

Elise is one of those people that can be superficial and profound at the same time. It's a rare quality and one that I admire, being able to talk about fashion or beauty as if it was a matter of life and death, while at the same time knowing everything about Italian turn of the century opera (when she's bored she whistles the intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana).

I'm told her father is an artist and her mother a former runway model - it almost sounds too good to be true and I want to meet them soon. They've lived all over the world and Elise has always moved with them, until she ended up in Venice studying architecture. She asks about me and I bend the truth, I'm afraid of what she would say if she knew so I keep things simple. At least for now.