A few little steps

First week at home, everything is slowly returning to normal and I'm not trying to stop it. Dad has gone on one of his business trips and he took mom with him so I have a lot of time for myself.

Henry came by yesterday, we watched some old movie and I showed him the house. He seemed very impressed but for me it's always just been my home. I think one of the hardest things I've had to do over the last couple of months has been to realize that this sort of life is not normal. I'm slowly getting there, helped by the expression on Henry's face when he sees a Monet on the wall or the pool outside.

He also keeps giving me sweet compliments about how I look, but he's not fooling me. All he wants is to see me without clothes (after all, he's a 21 year old boy). I can't say I'm not curious though, so I had Salvatore take some pictures of me. The chef for those of you who didn't know. I liked this one.


Back in la-la land

Back in LA or home or whatever you want to call it, and it feels as if everything and nothing has changed at the same time. I'm a different person in the same place I've always been, I've traveled years just to end up where I was when I started. The good thing is I know there's a whole world out there, and I can do whatever I want with it.

Dad acts like I've been home all the time, it's nice to not argue over anything but it bugs me too. He wants me to be the same daughter I was this spring and I have to pretend I am, for now. He sent Salvatore out to get me a wonderful velvet jacket from the Versace for H&M collection. Maybe I'm stupid for accepting it but I guess I don't have to change everything about my life all at once.

And then there's Henry. It was nice to see him again, I had forgotten how he failed me the last time and I don't really care anymore. He said he was sorry and I choose to believe him. He still makes me smile and that's worth plenty.



I'm going home, it's time now. I've said goodbye to my new friends and am now preparing to meet my old ones. Or one, I should say. I'd be worried about what my dad might have to say when I get back, but I've heard from my aunt that he's finally accepted some guilt in this situation. Not for what happened but for past events, long before I was even born. I don't know if that should make me happy, but at least I know the changes are permanent now. I'm a small part in this context, and I forgive him. Remains to been seen how life will turn out when everything returns to normal, whatever that is.


The money we spend

Hi everyone, how are you?

I'm still in London but I've switched hotels to a smaller and less expensive one. The strangest thing happened to me this weekend, I was out with Avy's friend and her group and I ended up taking them back to my room. One of the girls asked me how I could afford such luxury and it dawned on me that I'm not paying for my life, my dad is. That might not be a weird thing when you're in your early twenties, but I've never even planned for another future. I thought the events of the last months had made me into a different person but apparently I still have a lot to learn.

...and I miss Avy. Reading about her Halloween just made want to be there with her, back to how everything was before this strange summer. I want to go out with her again, get drunk and go to sleep next to her. I want to wake up with the smell of her hair in my nose. My best friend, my life.