Dreams can come true

How are you?

Not much happens here, summer is supposed to end soon but I can't feel it. I'm still alone, and already sick of my own company. I sleep more than usually and dream about Los Angeles and New York, never about things that really happened but always about people I know.

Last night I saw Henry from a distance, he was standing on the beach looking out over the ocean and I knew he was waiting for me. The closer I got the safer I felt untill he turned around. He was looking past me, over my shoulder, and there was Avy. It started to rain, I lost my breath and woke up.

For the first time I want to go back home, but I'm still nowhere near the calm I was looking for when I came here. I don't know what to do anymore.

Clarity

They are so vivid, the dreams I’m having, almost like memories. The second I wake up I see everything so clearly but just minutes later it’s gone again. I should write the stories down, but I guess it’s a little bit like trying to capture a sunset on film: something is always lost in the process.

Maybe it’s the same thing with life. I’m always terrified of letting go because I think I won’t be able to remember how pretty things were, but maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I sometimes stumble upon little things that remind me of how it used to feel, and I hope that the ability to remember means I can feel it again too. Otherwise those dreams is all that remains.

Fear of the dark

I'm only afraid of the dark the moment I wake up from a bad dream. I just did at it's only a quarter to one here. The night is completely black when there are no clouds in the sky, even the village a mile or so away looks like it's sleeping or even dead.

I don't remember what the dream was about but it feels as if had something to do with the past. A childhood memory maybe, the things I'm only now beginning to understand. When I was little I thought that everyone around me was honest and good, and I never processed the fact that maybe they weren't.

I'm going back to bed soon, I just need to stop my heart from racing. It only works when I think of the sun that's coming up tomorrow.

Pink

Last night I fell asleep next to Tom but I had a dream about Henry. I don't know what it means, I was changing clothes in my room when he opened the door and saw me in my underwear, and I liked it. I woke up all warm, my heart beating like crazy. I had to tell Tom, he just laughed and said he can watch me change any time I like.

He's so confident, it's one of the things I like about him. I've always been shy but he brings out something different in me too, another person who's much more daring and bold. I like that person. The fact that I managed to scare Tom with the talk about my family is my secret trump card, I'll only play it if I really have to but it's nice to know it's there.