Un italiano vero

Another lazy day, I'm slowly adjusting to a new way of life. Sitting in the shade, reading Vogue Italia, taking care of myself.

I hear my aunt talking to dad on the phone, she's upset. She talks to him in a 200 mph Italian, gesturing with her entire body. I pretend not to listen but I already know what they are saying, I've heard it all before. Dad is not a "real" Italian since he gave up and moved to America. He should never have abandoned such a big part of his family, and for something so cheap and superficial!

The only thing I can't figure out is if my aunt really wanted to go too, if she feels left behind or just let down. The way she talks about California and Los Angeles - contemptuously - doesn't quite cover the little traces of envy in her voice.


From Toscana with love

Sorry for the lack of pictures in my last post, I forgot my camera as I was going out. It won't happen again :)


First "real" night in Italy, because of the jetlag. Strolling down the litte streets in Siena, stoping at a restaurant, having a tiramisu and an espresso... I'm so torn between these two cultures, the american and the italian. I don't know where I'm most at home, maybe I love it here just because it's new and it's not where I have my everyday life. I feel a little lost but I hope that this trip will help me regain some confidence and faith in my situation.

Anyway, tomorrow we're going for a drive in the countryside, I can't wait. It's now 10.45 PM and I'm going to bed. Take care everyone, goodnight.


Sick and tired

This past weekend was a complete disaster. Instead of me getting to know that boy (Avy calls him Henry) a little more, I ended up being back on square one. We had fun at Avy's house and then we went out together, but after just an hour I found him flirting with some blonde bimbo in high heels and a floral dress. Probably a fashion blogger.

I left without saying anything, and he hasn't called since, so I guess that's it. The thing is that I don't know if I care, maybe I just liked the attention.

Anyway, I can't really think straight here anymore so I've bought a plane ticket to Italy and I'm leaving first thing in the morning. I'll live with my aunt for a couple of weeks, dad couldn't be happier. I guess he thinks that I'm finally going back to the nice little person I was before all this happened, but that won't happen.

Talk to you soon darlings. Ciao.


A liar and a thief

I hate having to lie to my father, but he doesn't seem to like Avy so I have to. Girls like her, he thunders, will drag you down with their depraved habits and lack of ambitions. A bit harsh I must say...

Anyway, I want to meet my little fling again, just to see where it leads, but I'm to shy to go on my own. Therefore, I call Avy and ask if she wants to go out and oh, I forgot, X is joining if that's okay? Yes, I'm using my image of total innocence to my advantage, I'm a horrible person. Either way she agreed so now I just have to find an excuse to get out of the house.

Any ideas?



It's so exciting talking on the phone with this boy, and just the thought of seeing him again makes me blush. But there's also a part of me that's a little scared, that doesn't want to grow up just yet. That part still wants to be with her family and let them take care of her against the evils of the world. I know that much of that was just a childish fantasy, but it was one I liked to live in. The only thing that really remains of those times is Salvatore, and I hope that will never change.


Happy Forth of July

I've never fully felt like an American, but on this forth of July I think I'm closer than ever before. I still love Italy and I'm proud of my heritage, but more and more that all feels like a lost part of me. Now I can say that this is where I want to be and this is where I have my future. A few month ago I still thought I would go back to Toscana when I'm older, and that I would live my life closer to my roots. Now I don't. I have been reborn as a different person, and even though I'm still trying to get over the chock and figure it all out, today I can without second thoughts call myself a proud American.


The words the words

Oh my. So I said I don't really have any friends, and this weekend Avy had other plans. Well, I suddenly remembered that boy from a couple of weeks back. I don't know how I could possibly forget, but I guess it has something to do with not being used to these situations.

Anyway, I flipped through my phone and found his number (since he had called me before). My little heart was about to jump out of my chest as he picked up, and for what seemed like an eternity I didn't know what to say. Luckily he's not the shy type, so we ended up talking all night and just hung up.

Owh. He talks to me like no one ever has before.