I knew it wasn't far away, and last night I had a dream about Lorenzo. We were alone together on a summer field, chasing butterflies and laughing. Too good to be true but still so very real, and I woke up in the darkness with heavy traffic outside my window. I call it mine now, I've been in London a few weeks but it's beginning to feel like home.

Avy's friend is sweet, I can talk to her. Tomorrow I'll wander the streets by myself again, I need some time to get back to reality, whatever that is.


It's now or never

Ok, all or nothing, I'm going out to meet Avy's friend. My heart is pounding, I'm such a coward. Also, I'm realizing that I've never really had any friends, at least not more than one or two. That's what makes me so socially awkward, it has to be. Well, never too late for second chances, right? I hope she brings some more people so I don't have to do too much talking, I'm better at listening, for better or for worse.

For the first time in months I really miss my family.


Lost in translation

I can't believe how fast time passes, I've already been here a week. Mostly watching TV in my hotel room but out and about too, on my own. Last night I called for room service and made the poor concierge sit down on my bed to listen to me talk for almost an hour. I think he felt sorry for me while wondering what a young American girl was doing in that suite all alone. He had the manners not to ask and turned down my attempt to tip him. I don't know how to take that.

I miss Avy, and I have to call her tomorrow. I would feel like a total idiot if I went to London for over a week without even seeing her friend once. My oh my.


On the road again.

I'm in London, about to go to bed. I checked in to the Hilton, Avy told me I could probably visit her friend that lives here but I'm too shy. Now I feel stupid because I'm all alone and not sure what to do.

It was hard leaving Italy and my aunt, but I got tired of the countryside and the quiet war between her and my father. Like I said, I understand him better now but I'm also more afraid. Of my whole family, its history, the future. It's so weird that the Italians never speak of the mafia, when everyone knows it's there all the time. It's like a cancer, and I guess people hope that ignoring it will make it go away. Well, I know I will never be able to forget it ever again. Good or bad.