All alone on a weekend

I only realized it now, that I don't really have any friends. I called Avy to see if she wanted to meet up this weekend, and when she had other plans I was stuck at home. It's really sad, and even more so because I didn't see it. I've always had a big family, but they're not my friends in the sense that I can be a typical 20 something with them.

And so, the next step in my new life is to meet new people. I've never had to do that before so I'm a little scared. Where do I begin?


No turning back

Last weekend was hell on earth, I'm just now able to sit by the computer because I'm home alone. My dad somehow found out about me going out and staying out late, and ordered me not to leave the house for a week. I used to love staying in, being with my family, but lately it's all felt like the biggest hypochrisy in the world. Dad dragged me to church Sunday and for the first time I heard those words about God and his infinite kindness like shameless lies. I don't know if to be sad or angry, but I guess I'm a little of both. I just want things to go back to how they were, but it's too late now. And then what?


Out in the open

My dear readers, there are so many of you now! Who could have guessed?

I suppose I could tell you something about last weekend and the crazy Saturday night, but Avy's already given me away. I have no regrets but it's a strange feeling. I know this is more like the life I want to live, but I'm not yet used to it and I keep thinking about everything that's been holding me back all this time. Traditions, my family, God... I'm standing at the crossroads ready to chose paths, but it's still a little frightening.

For Avy it's different, she's so confident with who she is and doesn't seem to be afraid of anything. I envy that.

(And sweetie, I will get back at you for outing me like that. Sleep with one eye open.)


Precious memory

So apparently alcohol can cause you to lose bits of your memory. A guy called me earlier today and said "Hi, it's X". I froze, couldn't produce an answer, and just waited for him to take the next step. "This is S, right?" he continued, and I nodded silently. "Don't you remember me?" he went on. No, sorry. So he started telling me about how we had met at that bar, how we danced and kissed under the stars, how I gave him my number and told him to call me. So he did.

I felt like a total idiot, but he was kind enough to forgive me and we ended up talking for two hours. What a thrill! He sounds really nice too, and if I kissed him I'm guessing he's sort of cute. He said he was going out tonight, so maybe I'll call Avy and see if she wants to follow me there.

Wish me luck!


A half-naked truth

Not only do I now know the thrill of feeling cute little boy-hands under my blouse, I also know what it's like to be incredibly hung-over. At first I felt bad when my father tried to get me to go with the family to church (he finally gave up after a heated argument with my mother), but after they all left I experienced freedom like never before. I went downstairs and had Salvatore make me a beautiful steak alla Fiorentina. He worked his magic and then joined me as I ate, we just sat there in silence looking at each other and it was absolutely wonderful. It was only after I returned to my room that I realized I had been wearing my see-through nightgown the whole time, and I didn't even feel embarressed about it. The greatest realization of that entire weekend.



Such a great evening, i had so much fun. avy is the sweettest girl in the world, i' m al ittle bit in love with her. Being out was great, I felt so good getting al that attention from cute boys, I could feel them looking at me, wanting me. O fcourse i never let any of them get ttoo close, but the game itself is very exciting. this is my new life, and i'm so happy to have found it. Now i rellay need to lseep, love you all. Kisees.


Out and about

Dear blog, dear readers. Thank you all for your concern, it's very sweet.

Tonight is a special night, for the first time in over a year I'm going out, probably to a club down town. I've always been happy staying in with my family, but after all that's happened over the past weeks it would just feel like a sham. Instead I'm hooking up with Avy and some of her friends in a couple of hours. I'm a little scared since the only alcohol I'm drinking is wine at family dinners, but I think I'll do fine. It's about time I grow up and stop being that little innocent girl who's isolated from the rest of the world.

Keep your fingers crossed for me lovers!