Falling apart

The summer is still getting hotter and hotter but my mind is somewhere else. Tom notices and asks me what's wrong, I lie and tell him I have a headache. It kills me, I could never let him know the reason I'm down is someone I loved, Henry, another man. The worst thing is I don't know if I still love him or if I just don't want Avy to have him. She's my best friend, the only girl who's ever been close to me, but the more I think about them together the more I start to hate her.

I called her yesterday to tell her that, and when I did I heard him talking in the background. If she doesn't have a guilty conscience she sure is a hell of an actress.


  1. Disculpa mi torpeza, me fuí sin querer a un post anterior.

    Un beso

    María Del Carmen

  2. Once, my best friend and I stopped talking to one another. We fought. The guy she introduced me to still had feelings for her.. it hurt. That was a long time ago.. but my friend was not at fault. It wasn't her fault!

  3. That's really bad from your best friend to do that to you but I believe it's for the good that it happened now instead of in the future when you'd been too deep into the relation!

    hey you should check out my blog, I'm having a Giveaway of a pair of shoes, check it out and it's easy to enter: http://jessynyiri.blogspot.com/2012/08/giveaway-win-your-favorite-pair-of-shoes.html


  4. thats the worst part on loving .. You never know what to choose, how to act, what to react. Afraid of what will happen next.. *sigh*

    Everything is so complicated in this world. So hard to manage one's emotions..

  5. i guess that friend you keep you have mentioned whom you consider as ur "RIVAL" is Avy.. also a blogger right?.. Mymotherfuckedmickjagger is her blog???

  6. you're in a super tough condition now, but it's love. it makes you somehow high up and somehow falling down. hope you're gonna solve this problem and feel better :)

    Pudding Monster

  7. I love the photos and the words ... great work !!!

  8. Unfortunately I do know well what it is like :S
    Beautiful photos! Thank you so much for stopping by, would you like to follow each other? I promise I’ll follow you back!


    "Saúde & Beleza - Health & Beauty"

  9. thank you for commenting. i like your blog, romantic photos and a little melancholic. i hope you can sort this problem out. i just always think that it is not worth it to loose a very good friend over a man.



  10. I was trying to understand whether she knew that you loved him but still had an affair with him. I guess that she did since you mention that 'If she doesn't have a guilty conscience she sure is a hell of an actress'.
    I don t know what really happened but if I felt the way you feel, I would choose to stop having any contact with both of them. You ll find other friends and someone who really loves you and cares for you.

  11. Do you want him because you can't have him now? You start idealize him. And you 'll start hate her more and more. Be as calm as you can be. Don't ruin your friendship. But stay a little away from both of them. It may not last long.

  12. like the photos :) come and check out my blog. maybe we can follow each other :) http://marschristie.blogspot.com/

  13. Awwh, so sorry to hear that.

    Btw, already following you girl <3 Thanks for following back! x

    Indie by heart

  14. Just found your blog! It's amazing :D

    Hope you'll visit me :)
    Kisses, Elena

  15. Very interesting blog! )) I follow YOU )) Welcome to my blog: http://www.catpuff-blog.com

  16. This is sad story, maybe you though that she was your best friend but it isn't, i think that you should stay with Tom, forgett about everybody, and live amazing moments with him! Of course pics are awesome!
    Love your blog! ;)
    Here I give you my direction, if you want to check out mine!

  17. You have a great blog, Avy passed your blog site on to me, can't wait to read more :)
    secret stare

  18. I read your July 30th posting, the one captioned, "Do you still fear me?" and I admired your self-confidence and your power.

    Then I read this posting. I learned that all your self-confidence and all your power are gone.

    Get them back, Ms. Essere.

    Forget America, forget Henry, forget Avy. Enjoy the summer of 2012 with Tom in Italy. Make it a summer that you'll remember fondly for the rest of your life.

  19. i hope you find the strength within yourself to come to some kind of conclusion.. even if it hurts.

    xx scarzz

  20. wow, your blog is so pretty and inspiring ^^

    just lovely!


  21. Boy, I know how that feels. When you're not sure whether you want him because you love him, or you just don't want anyone else to have him. Love is selfish.
    I hope you find a reason to smile soon. - E.Ò. xx

  22. i reckon it will be easier if u figure out what u really want
    hope u will do that soon :)